8.11.2004

"I wish I had more time to write..."
(No Empathy Required)


H's father got sick 3 months ago, and the doctors didn't give him long, just 3 to 6 months. Just before this happened, H and I had been making plans to move to Colorado where she would take a 1st grade teaching position.

Her father's cancer changed a lot of that. Instead of moving we got married down the barrel of a shotgun, and have made it a priority to spend a lot of time with her father. He is doing okay now, but the cancer is a terminal one.

So how does one proceed? After talking it over the last two months, H and I decided that she should go to Colorado to start her new job, returning once a month or so to see her father. I'll hold down the fort here in NH, just an hour away from her family.

This makes it possible for me to be around to support H and her family when things degrade. Additionally, if she needs to leave her job during the school year, I'll still have a real income and health insurance for the both of us. But it comes at a cost of putting H's family above H, something I don't do very well.

Emotionally it is very murky, but that is to be expected. This is life and life gets murky. My relationship with H has a solid foundation, so if ever we were to need to spend 6-9 months apart, now is the time.

Still, it is tricky.

The toughest part for me is making sure that the the stress and anxiety don't poison the little time we have left.

H leaves this Friday. She and her father will be driving out together. Until then we'll be spending most of our free time in the shop making wooden blocks, play stands and toys for her classroom.

"I wish I had more time to write." Note to self: learn to be more careful when wishing. ;)


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